I Haven’t Written in Awhile | LIFE

I HAVEN’T WRITTEN IN AWHILE. It’s been a rough few years. I still have not written or articulated it very well. Every time I sit down to write it all down, something happens. I get depressed and I just end up not writing at all. That’s how it’s gone, pretty much The longer I wait, the more happens. And the longer the thoughts and explanations become. I get tired and just sit. Stare at the wall. Contemplate if anything is worth it.

I DECIDED TO JUST WRITE EVERY DAY. Or at least when I can, and save the larger explanation for another time. I think I’ll break it up into smaller pieces to make it easier to write down and digest. But for now, I’ll write about my daily thoughts, my struggles, and what’s happening in the moment, rather than constantly trying to retell how I got here. The need to tell my story is hindering my progress. And I just need to write. For me.

Living in an RV

SO, I LIVE IN AN RV. Been here for almost two years. Officially, two years come October 2026. With the most toxic family I have ever met in my life: petty, gossips behind my back, talks trash, talks down to each other. I can’t stand them. We are trying desperately to save and move out.

WE QUALIFY FOR HOMELESS ASSISTANCE, to help us move, and to help pay for the first month’s rent and a deposit. We’re also working with DCAP to replace our old 1992 vehicle with a new fuel-efficient one. We tried to get it registered, had to get it smogged, and it failed. Our car has been deemed a “gross polluter”.

UNFORTUNATELY, MOVING ASSISTANCE WAS ONLY AVAILABLE through Calworks. We qualified for Calworks, but were recently taken off of it because they need birth certificates for our kids. We have been using the birth certificates that we were given from the hospital when each of our babies was born. But rules changed, and they need certified, legal birth certificates issued by the county.

We currently reside in Southern California, and my kids were born in Northern California. And in order to get the birth certificates, we need to pay $34 per certificate, $12 processing fee per certificate, and then $20 to have the birth certificates sent via certified mail (or pay $0 and have no way to track them, which we’re not going to do).

WE’RE BROKE AT THE MOMENT. My wife was let go from her job months ago and has applied to thousands of other job listings, with months of no replies and rejections. Nothing. It’s so difficult to land a job in Southern California. It’s insane. My wife’s sister has also been looking, with no luck. And my brother, who has a long resume of working in the animation and game industry, also wasn’t able to find a job for a long time, though he thankfully found one recently. And…

Getting Out

THANKFULLY, MY WIFE FINALLY GOT HIRED! She’s been working for a few weeks, now. When her first paycheck came in, we were excited! We thought we’d have a bit of money coming in. The first check was $36. $36 because she started work at the end of the first pay period!!! We were devastated. As I write this, it is June 25th. She was paid $36 about a week ago. We have been desperately trying to hold on till June 29th, when she gets paid again.

MY BROTHER, PARENTS, and my wife’s Mom have been a blessing during this time. They’ve been helping us financially while we try to get back on our feet. I hate being in this position, but all we can do is move forward, do what we can, keep pushing, and rest in the fact that we have loved ones who understand our situation and are willing to help. Thank you, Lord, for my brother, my parents, my wife’s mom and dad <3

ALSO, I HAVE TO THANK CHATGPT. I know people have a lot of reservations about AI and ChatGPT, but I have no idea what I am doing or where I can get help. Even a Google search (without the assistance of AI) doesn’t yield much information, and we’re desperate.

ChatGPT has been invaluable in helping navigate and find certain help and programs that even social services don’t mention! Some programs that are gate-kept and locked behind certain lingo and phrases, that they will not tell you about or offer if you don’t use the right words or ask specific questions. But how are you supposed to ask if you don’t know, and they never tell you?

Closing Thoughts

So at the moment, it is a lot of waiting. And more waiting. DCAP is processing our paperwork. We’re waiting for my wife’s paycheck, and hopefully it is large enough to cover our upcoming bills, but also pay for the birth certificates so that we can reinstate Calworks and get help with moving assistance. Saving up and waiting. Hoping to get out of here soon. Until next time, fellow Muses. Take care, God bless, and you rock.